Sunday, July 10, 2011

Two years later...

So it's been over two years since I've written anything here. Not that big of a deal, since no one really reads it - likely because I never post. I'm actually thinking that this is a good thing, because now I feel the need to vent about something and "put it out there", but I don't necessarily want it known by everyone I know, much less those it's in regards to.

To be honest, I kind of feel a little petty about this... situation. That always makes this kind of thing more difficult, at least for me. I mean, I feel hurt, but I don't know that I have a right to feel hurt, you know? Sometimes when people hurt you it's not really their fault, it's more about them not living up to your expectations of how they should behave. There are certain societal expectations on how people should behave in various situations, but there are many times that we expect people to react how WE ourselves would react. Sometimes you have to really examine a situation and the hurt that it's caused to determine whether you're justifiably hurt or simply reacting like a spoiled child.

Anyways, on to the heart of the matter. I have a brother that I'm not as close to as I'd like. I mean, we get along better now than we did when we were kids, but we're still not that tight. Some of that is my fault, to be sure. I'm not really good at that sort of thing. This is one of the reasons my love life is crap - I'm just not that good at expressing emotions. Well, except for annoyance. I'm more of an actions not words kind of guy. Therein, incidentally, lies some of the source of my hurt - my family didn't do something that I think that they should have.

In any case, my brother and his family live two states away - it's about a 12 hour drive. Because we're not close, we don't talk a whole lot on the phone. We do exchange emails, texts, even Tweets, if we need to contact each other for some reason or another. If something big happened in my life - engagement, great new job, or the like - I'd make it a point to reach out to him to let him know. I would expect him to do the same.

Apparently I'm wrong, and that's where my hurt stems from. You see, he and his wife just had their fourth kid a few weeks ago. Now, I knew they were pregnant, but how did I found out she'd given birth? I happened to look at Facebook at the right time - some 17 hours later - when he posted some pictures of the newborn. Now, the kid was born in the middle of the night. Granted, I was probably awake, but he didn't have to call then. Just a text to let me know the kid was finally born (he was late), that things were well, and the like. I know he was with it enough to post it to Facebook just after the birth. If he hadn't made the second post in the afternoon that I saw, it's entirely possible I wouldn't have found out for days - because NO ONE has bothered to contact me about this. Not my brother, nor my parents.

Last weekend, my parents went up to visit and to participate in the newborn's dedication at my brother's church. My parents and I had discussed going up for the birth, if we could possibly swing it - I was there for their other three kids, after all. We also discussed going up just after the kid was born if we couldn't make it for the birth. Apparently that idea went right out the window.

So, am I right to feel hurt by this? Do I read into it and decide that they no longer want me in their lives? Is that going to far? Or do I just go on like normal, swallow my hurt yet again, and pretend everything is okay next major family holiday?

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